Because You Never Know
by finkpishnets
Summary: Oneshot. She wonders from time to time whether she's being slowly driven insane. It's true that she could technically leave whenever she wanted to, after all, they're not married. Rory/Logan. Rory/Jess.


**Title:** Because You Never Know

**Author:** finkpishnets

**Fandom:** Gilmore Girls

**Rating:** PG

**Pairing:** Rory/Jess

**A/N:** This just wouldn't leave me alone and so it's written even if it does suck.

She wonders from time to time whether she's being slowly driven insane. It's true that she could technically leave whenever she wanted to, after all, they're not married, but there's something about the constant social calls from his friends and family and the big dinners and snazzy cocktail parties that make her feel like he's keeping her on a leash. Her friends would tell her she's crazy, after all, he adores her; he gave her that beautiful ring last Christmas and took her to Bali for her birthday. Of course, she'd intended to spend the day with her mom in Stars Hollow eating junk food and watching movies and going to whatever crazy party Taylor and Miss Patty had organized. She'd told him that when he'd given her the tickets but he'd shrugged it off because who wouldn't rather go to Bali. Really.

After her shower one morning, she notices that her wardrobe has completely changed; there's no longer a single item in it that she remembers buying for herself. She would never have spent three hundred dollars on a shirt. She's relieved that she had the foresight to leave all her Lorelai Originals at her mom's house. She didn't think she could bare those disappearing.

Logan has a way of bringing up all of his ex girlfriends in discussion when his friends are around, even going as far as to invite them to parties and leave her to talk with them all night. They're all tall and blonde and stupid so it's pretty hard to tell them apart. She's not the jealous type, not usually and definitely not around these girls but she's taken to calling them all Shane which confuses everyone except her mother who laughs loudly and then gives her an odd look out of the corner of her eye.

Logan doesn't ever talk about her ex boyfriends of which he knows there're only two. They still see Dean occasionally when they're visiting Lorelai and he's checking in with his family; he gives her his trade mark sweet smile and brushes his hair out of his eyes in a way that reminds her exactly why he was the first boy she ever loved. He's a man now with a job and a girlfriend who's not her or Lindsay but some other woman who accepts him exactly how he is. She's extremely happy for him but sort of envious in a way that she'd never admit to. Logan just ignores him when they pass.

The other one they don't mention, ever. Out of sight, out of mind. Except not since she's pretty sure that he's the only person Logan has ever remotely considered a threat. She's never told her boyfriend about _them_, not like she did concerning Dean because even after this many years it still seems too soon, too private. Only her mom and Luke and her and him know the real details and that's the way she wants it to stay.

She still has his book hidden away inside a copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ which she knows Logan won't ever touch. It's sort of the ideal hiding place. She must have read it close to a hundred times; everyone thinks she's a huge Austen fan.

She sometimes wonders what he'd think of her life now. She can't decide whether he'd laugh or shout or perhaps some ironic mix of the two. She knows he wouldn't be impressed; he'd think she was selling out, question where all her morals and dreams had disappeared to and shake his head in a way that screamed disappointment and made her feel dreadful just imagining. She never, ever wants him to be disappointed in her.

She's heard through the grapevine that he's got another book about to be published, a collection of short stories relating, in part, to his life growing up and she wonders how she will feature. If she features at all; it's presumptuous of her to think that she was anything except a passing moment but she really hopes that she's mentioned however briefly because he was such a huge part of her life and she hopes that she was at least a little bit of his.

Of course, she knows she was slightly more than that, but that hurts much more to admit.

She never wonders whether she made a mistake, not consciously, but sometimes she'll find herself remembering past conversations or the thrill she felt whenever he touched her. She can't fight down the impending smile.

She knows that Lorelai is worried about her; she watches her quietly, taking in the life that she herself fought so hard to escape. She hopes that her mom doesn't feel as let down as she knows she should. Even Emily seems to look at her a little closer which used to confuse her but now she's wondering whether it's because her grandmother has always really wanted what's best for her and _this_, this isn't really it. Richard just pats or on the shoulder and gives her another First Edition which she thinks is his way of telling her that he cares.

They're having dinner at the elder Gilmore's home with Lorelai and Luke on the first Friday of the month as has become tradition when Logan, in what she assumes is his attempt at organized romance, says that he wants to take her away for a nice romantic weekend and where would she like to go.

She answers 'Philadelphia' before she even stops to consider the question.

Only after a minute of staring at her water glass does she realise that the rest of the table is sitting in shocked silence. The look on Logan's face is pretty close to priceless and if the situation weren't so dire then she'd probably laugh.

Because there's only one thing in Philadelphia and they all know it.

As rage settles over Logan's face she realises that she should be stuttering excuses, making up exhibitions and sights she wants to see so they can pretend, yet again, that everything is perfect. Except, this time, she really can't be bothered.

Instead she takes another bite of chicken, attempting to ignore him as he knocks his chair to floor in jumping up, spilling water over the table cloth and practically seething negative energy. She doesn't want to look at him because then she might break; she hates making other people upset with a passion, but sometimes it's necessary.

No one says anything until the sound of the front door slamming has reverberated into silence and Rory finds herself smiling for the first time in ages.

'Hey, mom, want to go shopping at the weekend? I could use some new clothes?'

And she thinks maybe she'll go to Philadelphia for a few days. Because you never know.


End file.
